Are you a Parent Who is Constantly Fighting with Your Teen?
The teenage years can be a tumultuous time for you and your teenager. As soon as the teenage years hit, it may seem as though your child has changed overnight. They are irritable, angry and rebellious. The hormones, social pressures and school can all contribute to these changes in your child.
Parents often speak about how the most difficult part of the teenage years is the constant fighting they have with their child. It may seem as though you are fighting about everything with your teen – from what they are wearing to their grades at school. You want to provide guidance to your teen and to prevent them from going down the wrong path. And your teenager wants to become more independent, which means, essentially, that they want you to leave them alone. The situation is prime for conflict.
If you are constantly fighting with your teen, one thing you can do is try to see the situation from their point of view. You were a teenager once; you may be able to understand where they are coming from and why they are angry.
Secondly, always try to deescalate the situation. If your teen is yelling, yelling back will just make the fight worse. Remain calm and try to speak to your teen rationally. Ask them what they really want. Sometimes, a fight can veer off course to include other issues that have nothing to do with the original fight. Getting the situation back on track will help end the conflict early.
Thirdly, try to compromise. Maybe your teen wants to stay out with friends until 3 a.m. when their curfew is at 10 p.m. Your first response may be a definite “no,” but giving this answer is likely to lead to a big fight. Instead, try to compromise. Maybe let them stay out until midnight, or tell them that they will be allowed to stay out that late in a few years.
Lastly, know what to do after a fight. Once the conflict is over, you may have trouble talking with your child (who probably does not want to speak with you). Let your teen cool off, and give them time and space. Eventually, you can try to correct things with your teen.
Fighting with your child is never pleasant, but it is a normal occurrence during the teenage years. With patience and a willingness to work with your teen, you should be able to deescalate confrontations and make them a little less unpleasant.